There is a spiritual adage: what we resist, persists. Emotional charge that remains unprocessed leads to suffering. A simple spark of frustration, a transient moment of grief, or a sliver of shame… if we turn a blind eye or sway ourselves to addictions, these unresolved experiences can lead us to fear, anxiety, stress, or depression. With repetition, these experiences harden into identity: burdens that we carry such as unworthiness, loneliness, ugliness, distrust, and contempt.

Indeed, science has proven this out. The body stores suppressed emotional charge that we have not released; the brain develops and hardens neural pathways that represent our patterns; and even epigenetics concludes that the very encoding of our DNA shifts during our lifetimes.

You see, our mind, body, and spirit are interrelated. All of life is experienced through consciousness. When we see, feel, touch, taste, or hear, this is the first layer of experience. It is a sensory layer that then gets distilled into thoughts, which then manifest as feelings. One thinks thoughts in the mind; one feels feelings in the body; and then, with presence and grace, one can unburden their soul in the spirit.

The first step to process emotional content is to make the unconscious conscious. This can be accomplished with a simple question: “What needs to happen for me to have the life I want?”, followed by an inquiry, “what am I resisting right now?” Take a deep breath and try this for a moment. What have you discovered?

Now ask yourself these questions ten times in a row. The repetition unfolds layers that your egoic mind may have masked from your inner sight. The repetition can also reveal protective layers of the ego. If you compare the final answer with the first, it is likely to be much more vulnerable and challenging to surface. This is because it has been buried underneath all the things your ego believes it desires. Underneath the desire for wealth, achievements, and social proof is the fundamental human need for safety, love, connection, meaning, and ease.

The second step is to investigate the parts of yourself that have suppressed this content into the unconscious. Perhaps there was a conflict that you avoided, a moment when you said “yes” when your intuition signaled “no”, or a relationship that you are grieving. Perhaps there is a part of you that needs attention, healing, or reparenting. By being gentle and curious with this part of yourself, you can begin to explore your inner world in greater depth. You may notice deeper feelings arise as you do so—insecurity, fear, loneliness, longing—which have been hidden away. These are the parts of yourself that need love, compassion, and understanding.

The third step is to take responsibility. In a psychological context, taking responsibility means acknowledging that we are the architects of our lives. Our choices and actions have a significant impact on our well-being and that of others. It means taking ownership of our mistakes, learning from them, and making amends where necessary. In a spiritual context, taking responsibility means accepting that we are co-creators of our reality with the universe. We have the power to shape our lives according to our intentions and actions. We have the power to choose how to respond to a problem, to ask “why is this happening for me?” rather than “why is this happening to me?” This shift marks the evolution from an energy of shame and anger to an energy of trust and willingness.

The answer to “why is this happening for me?” often brings catharsis. Psychologically, we suppress challenging emotional content because we are afraid of it. The very nature of facing our fear leads to self-empowerment. We accept responsibility for how we create and interpret our reality, which gives us a sense of control over our lives. Spiritually, we suppress in order to suffer. This may sound counter-intuitive… “why would my spirit wish to suffer?”, you may ask. Eckhart Tolle says that you cannot know enlightenment unless you have suffered. You cannot know light if you have not been in the dark; you cannot know healing if you have not been hurt; and you cannot feel your own power if you have not felt powerless before.

When we take responsibility for our experience of reality, we can discover how to move closer into integrity. Thus, the final step is to take action. This begins with commitments and then with discipline. When we make commitments and stay true to them, it is then that we can move closer to our goals. By showing discipline in following through with those commitments, we can eventually achieve personal integrity. Integrity involves living a life of honesty, both with ourselves and with others. It requires continually evaluating our behavior to ensure that it matches our beliefs.

If what we resists, persists, then the solution is to trust and surrender. But sometimes the mere knowing of this is not enough: we need to muster the courage to inquire deeper, to challenge our status quo. Buddha says, “no great things can be achieved without great effort.” It is through such efforts that we will discover the treasures of our hearts: love, trust, and peace.